A Letter to my Sister

Dear Sister,
I know we’ve talked
Many times before;
About life,
And about love,
And about what the future holds.

But this time it’s different.

 

Dear Sister,
I feel like time is running out…
I don’t belong here;
In a world so full of pain.

I don’t want to go,
But I’m just so tired
Of crying all the time.

Dear Sister,
I cried today
For the girl next door…
People don’t know this,
But her mother just died.

Dear Sister,
I will cry tomorrow
For the boy who’s heart will be broken.
And the day after
For my friend who just lost her house.

Dear Sister,
I cried last month
When I found out that
I’m losing my job.
And again last week
When I spent the night
Alone in jail…

Dear Sister,
I cry because I feel…
Tear’s flow freely
Because I feel the pain…
I feel the pain of a girl who lost her mother,
And the boy who lost a lover.
I’m filled with grief;
Grief from those who have been hurt,
From those who have been wronged,
And from those who will not survive through the night.

 

Dear Sister,
I am afraid.

I am scared to leave the house,
Or to look in my friends eyes
For fear that they will see into my soul
And the conflict that lies there.

Dear Sister,
I am afraid to take a step
Because I feel the ripples that it causes.
I’m scared to say a word
Because of the conflict that arise from it.

Dear Sister,
I live each day in fear…
My heart still beats,
There are no fresh marks on my skin,
And I am stone cold sober…
But…

Dear Sister,
I am not alive.

 

Dear Sister,
I am lost…
I have been for years.
All these things I feel
Have tainted the way I look at life,
And I have found that my opinions
No longer exist independently.

Dear Sister,
When I am alone,
I am unhappy
Because I no longer know how
To exist on my own.
And dear Sister,
I am unhappy
When I am with people
For I feel their pain
And their desires.
I am helpless but to
Do all I can to heal them,
And to comply to them…
Even at my own expense.

Dear Sister,
I am lost…
And there is no way back.

 

Dear Sister,
I am lost…
I am afraid…
I am tear soaked.

Therefor…

My Dear Sister,
I know you mean well,
And you wish to help me…
To comfort me until life is better.
But life doesn’t get better
For someone like me…

Dear Sister,
This world kills
People like me.

Dear Sister,
This world is killing me.
I am no longer alive,
Only my body continues on
Because I know that if it does not
I will not be the only one who is no longer alive.

 

Dear Sister,
I love you…
I only hope that this is not goodbye.

Signed…
Your loving Brother.

(Originally written in November 2015, an audio recording has been done of this piece, but due to web hosting restrictions cannot be posted here.)

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