Plenty to go Around

My stomach’s all in knots
After the talk we had on Sunday…
And as I think of it I have quotes from
Company bouncing around my head,
Which probably isn’t helping much.

“Oh no. Oh God. No
Don’t you see that is a life?
That is a living thing!”

I understand your side,
And when I say that the conversation
Leaves a bad taste in my mouth
It isn’t because of what you said…
It’s because we had to have
The conversation at all.

It’s because I had to sit there
And acknowledge aloud
The kind of person that he is…

Because this situation is clearly
Causing us both a lot of anxiety
And yet I still hold onto an arbitrary
Timeframe for when a resolution
Will finally be in place.

Because we have to talk
About him at all…

“And here’s to the girls who just watch
Aren’t they the best?
When they get depressed
It’s a bottle of scotch,
Plus a little jest.”

The conversation you had with Jimmy
Also doesn’t sit that well with me…
Which isn’t to say that it shouldn’t
Have happened…
But it calls direct attention
To the fact that I have failed
For the last two years
To put my foot down.

I just sat down
And took it
Over
And over
And over…

I spent two years
Breaking up with him
Over
And over…

I spent two more years of my life
With him, my life revolving
Around him…
Making memories with him,
Even living with him.
And destroying him…

I’m starting to feel sick.

“What do you get?!”

I got 3 years worth of bitterness.
I got backhanded,
Scolded,
Treated like a child, someone lesser.
I got “training,”
And when I left and took it with me
I got the finger.
I was accused of being cruel,
Selfish,
Heartless even.

And if I ever try to verbalize this,
I get dismissed,
And I get the blame… For once, when there’s
Clearly blame to share.

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